Last friday, I found my bum resting a little unevenly on my office chair. So I attempted to bring balance to the force. As it turned out, the moment I tried shoving both butt cheeks onto the center of the chair, a sudden surge of pain so excruciating rose around my ‘holy’ area. My face was contorted to such an extent that it looked like this. Yes, I freakin’ applied damage to my balls! Holy F*****k sweet mutha of testicles!
After a moment of recovery through frantic breath exercises, I decided in my mind that this must be the result of loose underwear. People had always theorized and concluded that between boxers and briefs, the former reigns as the “King of Comfort”. I dare say now, wear it at your own risk and to your peril.
I only ever owned one pair of boxers (those cute cow-skin designs ones) and it never quite made it to my top ten most used articles of clothing. Maybe I just need security over comfort. Maybe I just prefer, how in case my jeans drops below waist-level, that at least you have a label that shouts “CALVIN KLEIN” instead of some funky cartoonish Kiki-Lala design shown in its full glory. Or if suddenly this REALLY hot chick crossed my path….
But I need not fear anymore as far as unnecessary pain and wardrobe malfunction are concerned. I have found the middle ground. In fact, I even went the distance to promote the whole environmental conservation thingamajig.
Voila… Soy-based BOXER-BRIEFS.
For the truly fickle minded people who can’t decide on either and don’t mind putting on some legume-type substance that is actually a good source of protein. Never mind.
Secure your balls, Save the World.
My future generation is safe once again.