143

Listen to this prayer of mine, God; pay attention to what I’m asking.
Answer me—you’re famous for your answers!
Do what’s right for me.
But don’t, please don’t, haul me into court;
not a person alive would be acquitted there.

3-6 The enemy hunted me down;
he kicked me and stomped me within an inch of my life.
He put me in a black hole,
buried me like a corpse in that dungeon.
I sat there in despair, my spirit draining away,
my heart heavy, like lead.
I remembered the old days,
went over all you’ve done, pondered the ways you’ve worked,
Stretched out my hands to you,
as thirsty for you as a desert thirsty for rain.

7-10 Hurry with your answer, God!
I’m nearly at the end of my rope.
Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me!
That would be certain death.
If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice,
I’ll go to sleep each night trusting in you.
Point out the road I must travel;
I’m all ears, all eyes before you.
Save me from my enemies, God
you’re my only hope!
Teach me how to live to please you,
because you’re my God.
Lead me by your blessed Spirit
into cleared and level pastureland.

11-12 Keep up your reputation, God—give me life!
In your justice, get me out of this trouble!
In your great love, vanquish my enemies;
make a clean sweep of those who harass me.
And why? Because I’m your servant.

This is my prayer of this month. Where the ways of my imperfections meets the glorious unblemished holiness of God. Whenever I feel that I’m so deep in my sins and troubled by my flaws, I turn to this prayer to present a cry to the One who is infinitely bigger than my problems and my weaknesses.

I don’t need to be reminded of how much wrong there is with me and with the world. I go to bed most of time, feeling totally inadequate. I wake up from my slumber, not even taking a short moment to utter a short prayer of thanksgiving – that I’m alive and well for that day. I’ve become obsessed with some mysterious standard that I’ve imposed on myself, without even knowing where it came from. Probably from billboards, more from people’s opinions. Or that devilish voice telling me “I’ll never be good enough”, that I’ll never amount to anything. That is why it’s difficult for me to appreciate the little gifts and simple joys. Which in reality is not small at all. It is I that have become small.

This story is never just about me. It’s about God. How fortunate for it to be so! Cos He is so big, that my small little story holds so much meaning and weight in His world. If I refused to allow His world consume mine and continue to indulge inside my tiny box, claustrophobia would be the least of my worries. I would suffocate and die very much alone, still fretting over my problems.

Someone once told me, “I’m not so sure on how to find God. But it’s wonderful to know that He is finding us.”

143.

Funny, it also means “I love you.” Perhaps this psalm is His gift to me, to reach out to Him and also to remind me that He does indeed love me. That I don’t need to drown in my sin anymore. My Father invites me to immerse in his deep ocean of love. As I swim this weekend, may I feel the immensity of that Love.

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2 Comments

Filed under Introspection

2 responses to “143

  1. where were you in church?

  2. gregorychang

    I was visiting my grandma.

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